A change in direction

Today was a bittersweet day.

As many of you already know my Dad was moved to a Hospice home. I wanted him to get settled in before sending this out so please excuse the delay. The facilty is called Peppi's House and it's very nice. It's not very old and the people are very very kind. So..here's this morning's tale.

This morning at 7 am the doctors met with my Dad, my Mom and me. They discussed the last 10 months of my Dad's healthcare and basically said that since the feeding tube didn't work, we were out of options. The doctors said he was too weak for more surgery and the fact that he threw up all of the nutrients that were fed to him (bypassing his stomach) indicated there was more blockage and they were sure if they opened him up they would find his other untreated cancers had spread.

The reccommendation for hospice care was made and my Dad made it very clear that he wanted to go home. The hospice center he is at is where they hope to stabilize his vomitting and help prepare him. It is his desire to go home ultimately and like I said...he was very vocal about that.

I'm not gonna lie to you, it was sad again and there was a very definite sense of finality, at least in my opinion so there was some pain involved. I thought about my Dad and what he means to me and how I want him to know that he matters. I also thought about the day before. You know, it's kind of funny...if you keep thinking about the day before at some point you get back to a happier time and those are the memories that I personally will rely on to help me through the memories that the present day will leave. I would encourage many of you to do the same. There's good times there...real good times.

Actually day before yesterday a good memory was made. My son Charles and I went down to the hospital to spend the early afternoon with my Dad. I brought the Humphrey Bogart movie "Treasure of the Sierra Madres" with me and the 3 of us sat there and watched it. Ok...it was a little skippy because apparently I have peanutbutter in my pockets but after a good cleaning it played fine.

It was my son's first time seeing it, but I have seen it 100 times. Why? It's one of my Dad's favorite films of all time. He had me sit down and watch it with him when I was a kid....and a teen...and a young adult...and a not so young adult etc....) I had the captions on so Charles could read as well because the hospital speaker thing was cra.......um...not good. At one point my Dad started to get sick. His vomitting can be bad and the alarmed look on my son's face caused me to grimace. As my Dad went through the motions I felt a bit helpless and wanted to do something for him. I reached over to help somehow and my Dad suddenly stopped and looked at Charles with a semi-"blank" eating grin and turned the bucket over. It was empty. We chuckled. :) As we were set to leave I told my son to say goodbye to his Grandpa. Charles walked over and put his hand on my Dad's knee and said "See ya." My Dad looked at Charles then he looked at me and he smiled. That's a memory I'll keep.

I will be visiting my Dad tomorrow at lunch and will write afterwards. This week will be busy with family coming in from out of town but I will keep up on the communication. I appreciate the help but would ask respectfully that I be allowed to do this. I won't leave anyone hanging and if there's something you need to say please just email me at dryheatpanzer@gmail.com I appreciate all the support on my Dad's behalf and I will see to it that everything is communcated to everyone.

-Lemorris A