Well....it's been a while huh?
We wanted to take some time off to let our minds clear and settle into our new lives. The past 2 months have been very different, but I think I can speak for my immediate family when I say, "We're doin ok."
There has been a lot going on and I'll try to recap on a later post for you, but the biggest thing in my immediate family has been the wedding of my sister Candy to her boyfriend Lawrence.
On August 8th, 2008 at almost 8 pm...actually closer to 7...Candy and Lawrence were wed. It was a very cool extremely small ceremony just like Candy wanted. There was just immediate family, a couple of friends, and a couple extended relatives. Uncle (Pastor, Brother) Lorenzo presided over the ceremony and he was great! I want to give a quick bunch of love to Lorenzo and Nancy for all their help and support. It seems like every time we've needed help or guidance throughout this trying time, they have been there to let us know the how, what, why and where, so...thank you and we love you.
Back to Candy's wedding...So it was small and "Arizona" casual, which means you should wear a shirt, but no flip-flops until after they kiss. :) The ceremony was held at my parents house and I gotta tell you, my sister Candy was absolutely beautiful. Lawrence though a tad nervous was very composed and his sense of humor really helped set the mood for the entire event.
You know...I could describe it in great detail but I think I'll just put the video link in now.
Note: There are 5 or 6 videos on the list. Click the title of the video you want to see.
The lighting is a little poor so I apologize for that but overall I think it captures the scene pretty accurately. It is about 16 minutes long so you may need to press the pause button and let it load if your internet connection is slightly slow.
I can give you a little glossary of term so to speak.
Abazaba = The name we have given to Candy and Lawrence's unborn child. You may notice that Lawrence bears a slight resemblance to the comedian Dave Chapelle. Because of that we sorta nicknamed the baby after something Dave Chapelle said in the movie "Half-baked". For us it is a true term of endaerment and another example of how Lawrence's sense of humor has helped him fit right in.
so...here's that vid: (p.s. watch the entire thing because there is a special message from Tanisha..WHAT! :) :) )
Click here to see the Candy and Lawrence Wedding Video
To Candy and Lawrence: We wish you only happiness. You are both wonderful...we love you guys.
Now that we've had our time off we will be updating this blog on a weekly or bi-monthly basis. I would like to talk about extended family activities and perhaps share some of my thoughts without getting to long winded and what-not.
Thanks for checking this out.
-Lemorris A
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
A quick video to pass the time
I know I know....it's been a while but this week was wild and I'm organizing my thoughts. I will make a larger post tomorrow with everything.
In the meantime here's a quick video of the Repast party.
It was a blast.
Real quick I gotta thank all the Milwaukee folk that came out. It was great seein you guys and we WILL see you again...that is a promise.
Here's the video of what went down yesterday.
enjoy
http://www.dhphut.com/movies/dadrepast/repast.html
more real soon
- Lemorris A
In the meantime here's a quick video of the Repast party.
It was a blast.
Real quick I gotta thank all the Milwaukee folk that came out. It was great seein you guys and we WILL see you again...that is a promise.
Here's the video of what went down yesterday.
enjoy
http://www.dhphut.com/movies/dadrepast/repast.html
more real soon
- Lemorris A
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Arrangments
Today was quite a ride. before I tell you what happened let me tell you what the plans are.
Friday June 13th from 5 - 8 pm - Viewing at Southlawn Mortuary
Saturday June 14th 10 a.m. - Funeral service at Southlawn Chapel and Mortuary
Reception at my Mom and Dad's place right after the service. (The good part)
Southlawn is located at 5401 South Park Avenue in Tucson AZ.
I will post detailed information like maps and stuff by Wednesday. We just wanted you guys to get the dates and general times down.
I know we will have a number of out of town visitors so I will try to post as much info as I can.
Now...how did that info come to be?
**********************************************************************************
This morning I went down to my Mom and Dad's place and hung out a little bit with my Mom and Tanisha. We had a great time going through pictures.
We laughed at ourselves more than my Dad's outfits. My Mom participated and it was quite therapeutic. My sister Candy came by and we chatted for a few minutes then headed down to Southlawn to talk with the funeral folk.
My brother-in-law John and my Uncle Herman met us there and we locked arms and went in determined to be as serious as possible and make this thing happen. I would estimate that we were inside for about 4 minutes before the silliness began. What happened next will be best described for you folks that can make the reception. Here's a memory from the funeral home in play form.
Funeral Director - "what is your name?"
Lemorris A - "Lemorris"
Funeral Director - "So you're a junior?"
Lemorris A - "No...I'm a freshman."
It pretty much went like that.
All kidding aside it was great to have enough family there to really take the edge off the seriousness. The decisions were difficult to make but having family there made everything much better. I believe my Mom felt like she did all the right things and I do too. Even though we are all emotionally charged right now I thought we did a great job and in all reality it wasn't that bad.
This evening we all went to my Mom and Dad's house again just to chill. Many many family members came by and they all started looking through the pictures too. It was really cool to just sit back a see and feel the laughter. My Dad would have been proud...I know I was.
I will post more tomorrow a bit earlier as soon as I start to get information.
-Lemorris A
oh...I'm not sure of the date on that picture. I know it was at my Grandmother in Tucson's home and since it's black and white and my Dad's afro is lookin pre-funk circa 70's I'm gonna guess about 1968. I was about 2 and my father seemed larger than life to me. Ironically 40 years later he still does.
Friday June 13th from 5 - 8 pm - Viewing at Southlawn Mortuary
Saturday June 14th 10 a.m. - Funeral service at Southlawn Chapel and Mortuary
Reception at my Mom and Dad's place right after the service. (The good part)
Southlawn is located at 5401 South Park Avenue in Tucson AZ.
I will post detailed information like maps and stuff by Wednesday. We just wanted you guys to get the dates and general times down.
I know we will have a number of out of town visitors so I will try to post as much info as I can.
Now...how did that info come to be?
**********************************************************************************
This morning I went down to my Mom and Dad's place and hung out a little bit with my Mom and Tanisha. We had a great time going through pictures.
We laughed at ourselves more than my Dad's outfits. My Mom participated and it was quite therapeutic. My sister Candy came by and we chatted for a few minutes then headed down to Southlawn to talk with the funeral folk.
My brother-in-law John and my Uncle Herman met us there and we locked arms and went in determined to be as serious as possible and make this thing happen. I would estimate that we were inside for about 4 minutes before the silliness began. What happened next will be best described for you folks that can make the reception. Here's a memory from the funeral home in play form.
Funeral Director - "what is your name?"
Lemorris A - "Lemorris"
Funeral Director - "So you're a junior?"
Lemorris A - "No...I'm a freshman."
It pretty much went like that.
All kidding aside it was great to have enough family there to really take the edge off the seriousness. The decisions were difficult to make but having family there made everything much better. I believe my Mom felt like she did all the right things and I do too. Even though we are all emotionally charged right now I thought we did a great job and in all reality it wasn't that bad.
This evening we all went to my Mom and Dad's house again just to chill. Many many family members came by and they all started looking through the pictures too. It was really cool to just sit back a see and feel the laughter. My Dad would have been proud...I know I was.
I will post more tomorrow a bit earlier as soon as I start to get information.
-Lemorris A
oh...I'm not sure of the date on that picture. I know it was at my Grandmother in Tucson's home and since it's black and white and my Dad's afro is lookin pre-funk circa 70's I'm gonna guess about 1968. I was about 2 and my father seemed larger than life to me. Ironically 40 years later he still does.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
My Father's Passing
As promised here's more info:
I'll start with 2 days ago. The day after the Peppi's House Party my Dad wasn't lookin so hot. He hadn't got a lot of rest and he was obviously uncomfortable. He was talking a lot less but still greeted visitors and was drinking water and eating popsicles. He did have a bit of a cough but he seemed fine for the most part.
My Grandparents and my Aunt Ann were here and preparing to go back home to Milwaukee so it was a little sad as they were understandably emotional. I can't imagine their feelings at that moment but I was extremely grateful that they got a chance to come out here and see my Dad. I know he was happy to see them. I ended up having to work all day and only got to see him briefly. I know many people visited though so once again I was grateful.
Yesterday my Dad looked much better. He was up and alert. He was watching baseball of all things with my sister Candy and he seemed to be doing pretty good, all things considered. I got a chance to shoot out to my moms and take my Uncle Michael and Aunt Pam for a little cruise up Mt. Lemmon and show them a few Tucson things (mostly restaurants) which was very cool. My Dad was very close to Michael and his sister Pam obviously and it was great for me to get some time alone with them. Oh...my son was with us, but he only talks 2 words at a time so he was more of a navigator or somethin I guess...anyway.
Last night Me, my wife and kids, Michael, Pam, Cousin Hannah and my Mom had a great dinner at the El Corral Steakhouse. The food was fantastic and the company was even better. It was a moment I wish my father had been able to be a part of.
After the meal my Mom and Uncle and Aunt went back by the hospice. Now...I'm going to try to recollect this next part to the best of my ability so please excuse me if I get bits wrong.
My Mom said that there was some issue with the tube that was pumping the tummy gunk out of my Dad and that there was a big mess so the staff was cleaning him up. My Mom stayed for a bit then went home. She told me that my Dad "looked scared" in her opinion so she grabbed some PJs and went right back to the hospice to spend the night. She told me that my Dad kept looking over at her throughout the night like he was checking on her and at some point he did ask for some water. My mom left the hospice about 5:45 a.m. and went home. Some time between the when she got home and when she told me the bad news at 9:15 or so she received a call from the hospice saying that my father had passed away.
I went down to the hospice and arrived at the same time as my sister Candy. My sister Tanisha was already there in the room with my Dad. The three of us spent some time in the room with him. He looked peaceful and finally free from the tubes and all that stuff. My Mom and Aunt Pam and Uncle Michael arrived shortly thereafter and I watched as my Mom cried over my Dad. I can't say it was grief that I saw, but it definitely was love. It was a very powerful moment, one that I feel blessed to have witnessed. I don't know what she said to him but I can only hope that someday someone will say something as lovely to me. My Mom is an amazing woman. I can't say that enough.
My mom says my Dad waited on her to go home so she didn't have to see him go. My Dad would do anything for my Mom and he would never want to hurt her and his last act was as selfless as any I've known. He was a very caring man so I wasn't surprised to hear how the timing went down at all.
There was a number of family and friends that came down and Reverend McDowell led us in a wonderful prayer of my Dad. I was told that my Dad had in fact prayed prayers of repentance and over the last year I had seen his spirituality manifest itself in actions and words. He respected and loved Reverend McDowell and I need to thank Reverend McDowell for all of his support. From the time my Dad went in for surgery 10 months ago to today Reverend McDowell was there. I appreciate and respect him a great deal and I thank him for helping my Dad....and subsequently my family through his consistent message of hope, love and trust in The Lord.
When we arrived we were told that it was a cleaning lady named Del who found my Dad in his nearly non-responsive state. She saw where he was and she prayed for him. Now...she doesn't know him really at all and she isn't a nurse or anything...but she prayed for my Dad right then and there. One of the nurses told us that Del thought that the family might be upset at her presuming to take an action like that so I asked the nurse to tell Del to come see us. After about 2 minutes she peaked her head around the corner slowly kinda like I used to do when I knew I did something bad, and I asked her over. Me and my sisters hugged her and thanked her for being there at that time and doing what she did for my dad.
There were tears....lots and lots of tears...I ain't gonna lie...there was a few snot bubbles too but some quick Kleenex reflexes took care of that in a jiffy. My Aunt Pam and Uncle Michael had to catch a flight back to Milwaukee so I volunteered to drive them in my Dad's car. As was the routine for the last three days (normally 4 times each day) Michael wanted to stop for some chicken. Not only was my Uncle Michael a spiritual rock he was also personally responsible for what will hereafter be known as "The great chicken shortage of Tucson in 2008" :) We stopped at KFC and then it was on to the airport. I thought about how hard it must have been for them. Here they were leaving right after visiting their loved one who had just passed. I dropped them off and I was really thankful that they were here. It was great just having them and my Dad's other family members here.
I started driving back and made it about 5 miles before it hit me. I had to pull over. I sat there for a good 20 minutes sobbing like I stole somethin all the while feeling like something was stolen from me. I composed...sorta and started driving again but with a new condition I like to call "Perma-Tear". It's been 12 hours and my eyes are still welled up. Funny thing is, apparently this condition has swept through Tucson, Milwaukee and everywhere there is someone that knew my Dad. Knowing that my Dad was loved by so many people and affected so many lives in a positive way makes my entire family feel just a little better. We will all miss him more than I'm capable of expressing here.
The rest of the day was spent at my Mom's with family and friends. We laughed and cried and laughed again. The sense of humor we share is a direct gift from my father and one of his lasting legacies. He was funny, smart, brave, caring, ornery, loving, funny, supportive, direct, evasive and funny.
His is a memory we will cherish every day of our lives.
- Lemorris A
more tomorrow
I'll start with 2 days ago. The day after the Peppi's House Party my Dad wasn't lookin so hot. He hadn't got a lot of rest and he was obviously uncomfortable. He was talking a lot less but still greeted visitors and was drinking water and eating popsicles. He did have a bit of a cough but he seemed fine for the most part.
My Grandparents and my Aunt Ann were here and preparing to go back home to Milwaukee so it was a little sad as they were understandably emotional. I can't imagine their feelings at that moment but I was extremely grateful that they got a chance to come out here and see my Dad. I know he was happy to see them. I ended up having to work all day and only got to see him briefly. I know many people visited though so once again I was grateful.
Yesterday my Dad looked much better. He was up and alert. He was watching baseball of all things with my sister Candy and he seemed to be doing pretty good, all things considered. I got a chance to shoot out to my moms and take my Uncle Michael and Aunt Pam for a little cruise up Mt. Lemmon and show them a few Tucson things (mostly restaurants) which was very cool. My Dad was very close to Michael and his sister Pam obviously and it was great for me to get some time alone with them. Oh...my son was with us, but he only talks 2 words at a time so he was more of a navigator or somethin I guess...anyway.
Last night Me, my wife and kids, Michael, Pam, Cousin Hannah and my Mom had a great dinner at the El Corral Steakhouse. The food was fantastic and the company was even better. It was a moment I wish my father had been able to be a part of.
After the meal my Mom and Uncle and Aunt went back by the hospice. Now...I'm going to try to recollect this next part to the best of my ability so please excuse me if I get bits wrong.
My Mom said that there was some issue with the tube that was pumping the tummy gunk out of my Dad and that there was a big mess so the staff was cleaning him up. My Mom stayed for a bit then went home. She told me that my Dad "looked scared" in her opinion so she grabbed some PJs and went right back to the hospice to spend the night. She told me that my Dad kept looking over at her throughout the night like he was checking on her and at some point he did ask for some water. My mom left the hospice about 5:45 a.m. and went home. Some time between the when she got home and when she told me the bad news at 9:15 or so she received a call from the hospice saying that my father had passed away.
I went down to the hospice and arrived at the same time as my sister Candy. My sister Tanisha was already there in the room with my Dad. The three of us spent some time in the room with him. He looked peaceful and finally free from the tubes and all that stuff. My Mom and Aunt Pam and Uncle Michael arrived shortly thereafter and I watched as my Mom cried over my Dad. I can't say it was grief that I saw, but it definitely was love. It was a very powerful moment, one that I feel blessed to have witnessed. I don't know what she said to him but I can only hope that someday someone will say something as lovely to me. My Mom is an amazing woman. I can't say that enough.
My mom says my Dad waited on her to go home so she didn't have to see him go. My Dad would do anything for my Mom and he would never want to hurt her and his last act was as selfless as any I've known. He was a very caring man so I wasn't surprised to hear how the timing went down at all.
There was a number of family and friends that came down and Reverend McDowell led us in a wonderful prayer of my Dad. I was told that my Dad had in fact prayed prayers of repentance and over the last year I had seen his spirituality manifest itself in actions and words. He respected and loved Reverend McDowell and I need to thank Reverend McDowell for all of his support. From the time my Dad went in for surgery 10 months ago to today Reverend McDowell was there. I appreciate and respect him a great deal and I thank him for helping my Dad....and subsequently my family through his consistent message of hope, love and trust in The Lord.
When we arrived we were told that it was a cleaning lady named Del who found my Dad in his nearly non-responsive state. She saw where he was and she prayed for him. Now...she doesn't know him really at all and she isn't a nurse or anything...but she prayed for my Dad right then and there. One of the nurses told us that Del thought that the family might be upset at her presuming to take an action like that so I asked the nurse to tell Del to come see us. After about 2 minutes she peaked her head around the corner slowly kinda like I used to do when I knew I did something bad, and I asked her over. Me and my sisters hugged her and thanked her for being there at that time and doing what she did for my dad.
There were tears....lots and lots of tears...I ain't gonna lie...there was a few snot bubbles too but some quick Kleenex reflexes took care of that in a jiffy. My Aunt Pam and Uncle Michael had to catch a flight back to Milwaukee so I volunteered to drive them in my Dad's car. As was the routine for the last three days (normally 4 times each day) Michael wanted to stop for some chicken. Not only was my Uncle Michael a spiritual rock he was also personally responsible for what will hereafter be known as "The great chicken shortage of Tucson in 2008" :) We stopped at KFC and then it was on to the airport. I thought about how hard it must have been for them. Here they were leaving right after visiting their loved one who had just passed. I dropped them off and I was really thankful that they were here. It was great just having them and my Dad's other family members here.
I started driving back and made it about 5 miles before it hit me. I had to pull over. I sat there for a good 20 minutes sobbing like I stole somethin all the while feeling like something was stolen from me. I composed...sorta and started driving again but with a new condition I like to call "Perma-Tear". It's been 12 hours and my eyes are still welled up. Funny thing is, apparently this condition has swept through Tucson, Milwaukee and everywhere there is someone that knew my Dad. Knowing that my Dad was loved by so many people and affected so many lives in a positive way makes my entire family feel just a little better. We will all miss him more than I'm capable of expressing here.
The rest of the day was spent at my Mom's with family and friends. We laughed and cried and laughed again. The sense of humor we share is a direct gift from my father and one of his lasting legacies. He was funny, smart, brave, caring, ornery, loving, funny, supportive, direct, evasive and funny.
His is a memory we will cherish every day of our lives.
- Lemorris A
more tomorrow
Moving on
On Sunday June 8th at 9:02 a.m. my father Lemorris Harris passed away.
I can't thank all of you enough for your love and support throughout this entire journey. I know my father felt the love and I knew he knew he mattered.
As a family we trust God. My Uncle Michael said that a few times today and it rings very true in my ears now. We know my father isn't hurting anymore, we know God loves him and so we trust God.
I will give details in a post tonight. I just wanted to get something out now.
Though our day is darker as a result of my Dad's passing, a really good man just walked through the gates, and Heaven got a lot funnier.
-Lemorris A
I can't thank all of you enough for your love and support throughout this entire journey. I know my father felt the love and I knew he knew he mattered.
As a family we trust God. My Uncle Michael said that a few times today and it rings very true in my ears now. We know my father isn't hurting anymore, we know God loves him and so we trust God.
I will give details in a post tonight. I just wanted to get something out now.
Though our day is darker as a result of my Dad's passing, a really good man just walked through the gates, and Heaven got a lot funnier.
-Lemorris A
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Peppi's House Party
ok...I don't think I'd be overstating if I said "My Dad never met a party he didn't like." Well that statement held true once again tonight.
Wait a minute...let me back up here.
Today was a beautiful day in Tucson. The high was 89 or so and there was a slight breeze. The day was made even better by the safe arrival of my Dad's sister Pam, and her husband, my Uncle Michael (hereafter referred to as Michael Monk). In any case, a bumpy trip made them even happier about being on the ground. We made a quick stop at their hotel (Grandpa rode in the VW with me...very cool) and then it was off to the hospice.
I stood back just so I could watch my Dad's reaction and it was obvious that he was happy to see them. My Dad has pretty expressive eyes and his body language is as clear as a bell..oh not to mention the fact that he is as fiesty as ever. I watched as he was greeted and thought about how many times he would tell us stuff about Milwaukee and his family and how much I know he loves all of them and that town. I didn't get to stay long but it was pretty apparent that he was in good hands.
Later we had the big family gathering spaghetti dinner-watch basketball-fest. A lot of people showed up and my Dad was alert throughout. My aunts Susan, and BJ did a wonderful job preparing and presenting the food. The sketti was great and this black berry rasberry cobbler thing was awesome. There were kids running around all over the place. I think a couple of them belonged to me but I'm not sure. The mood was a subdued festive and that made it perfect. At one point the kids were over in a dirt lot playing "Scream like a frekkin lunatic" which raised some eyebrows but they landed the plane and everything was cool.
On a side note I counted at least 10 black people in Tucson at one place (including Milwaukee folk...ok...mostly Milwaukee folk) at the same time and I'm pretty sure that's some kind of record. (just kiddin)
I took a few pictures and put them in a little slideshow if you want to check it out. It's a WMV file and there is music.
here's the link:
http://www.dhphut.com/movies/peppis.wmv
Wait a minute...let me back up here.
Today was a beautiful day in Tucson. The high was 89 or so and there was a slight breeze. The day was made even better by the safe arrival of my Dad's sister Pam, and her husband, my Uncle Michael (hereafter referred to as Michael Monk). In any case, a bumpy trip made them even happier about being on the ground. We made a quick stop at their hotel (Grandpa rode in the VW with me...very cool) and then it was off to the hospice.
I stood back just so I could watch my Dad's reaction and it was obvious that he was happy to see them. My Dad has pretty expressive eyes and his body language is as clear as a bell..oh not to mention the fact that he is as fiesty as ever. I watched as he was greeted and thought about how many times he would tell us stuff about Milwaukee and his family and how much I know he loves all of them and that town. I didn't get to stay long but it was pretty apparent that he was in good hands.
Later we had the big family gathering spaghetti dinner-watch basketball-fest. A lot of people showed up and my Dad was alert throughout. My aunts Susan, and BJ did a wonderful job preparing and presenting the food. The sketti was great and this black berry rasberry cobbler thing was awesome. There were kids running around all over the place. I think a couple of them belonged to me but I'm not sure. The mood was a subdued festive and that made it perfect. At one point the kids were over in a dirt lot playing "Scream like a frekkin lunatic" which raised some eyebrows but they landed the plane and everything was cool.
On a side note I counted at least 10 black people in Tucson at one place (including Milwaukee folk...ok...mostly Milwaukee folk) at the same time and I'm pretty sure that's some kind of record. (just kiddin)
I took a few pictures and put them in a little slideshow if you want to check it out. It's a WMV file and there is music.
here's the link:
http://www.dhphut.com/movies/peppis.wmv
Overall it really was a good time and I'm really happy we were able to do something like this for my Dad. The overwhelming show of love and support is one of the greatest things I've ever witnessed. Knowing that he will be able to take that with him makes me smile. So thank you to everyone for everything.
more tomorrow
- Lemorris A
oh the song in the video is Neckbones and Homefries by Willie Bobo I'll see about throwing up a little gallery so I can add captions so you know who is who.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Quick update and an announcement concerning food
So
My Grandparents and my Aunt Ann arrived in Tucson today. The plane was a tad late but me and my Mom had a good talk over yogurt with granola and coffee. Grandma and Grandpa Adams both looked pretty good. I made a comment about their jackets as the nearly 100 degrees with 4% humidity would be the kind of thing that would make a wind breaker undesirable pretty quickly but my Grandparents got style so they pulled off the look pretty well.
I went to the hospice to visit my Dad real quick and my Mom took the relatives to get a bite to eat before heading down.
I just got off the phone with my Mom and Dad. My Mom wanted me to remind everyone local or who will be local as of tomorrow that a lot of family will be going down to see my Dad tomorrow and everyone is invited. My Aunt Susan (who has been a tremendous help and combined with my Uncle Herman they make a great set of shoulders to cry on) will be bringing Spaghetti (hope I spelleed that write.) :) I believe others are bringing dishes too and we will visit and watch basketball and just chill so...well that's cool.
I will update with pictures and stuff tomorrow so those outside of the "hot zone" can feel the fun too.
Thanks for all your words of encouragement and support. I feel blessed to be part of such a large and loving network.
-Lemorris A
My Grandparents and my Aunt Ann arrived in Tucson today. The plane was a tad late but me and my Mom had a good talk over yogurt with granola and coffee. Grandma and Grandpa Adams both looked pretty good. I made a comment about their jackets as the nearly 100 degrees with 4% humidity would be the kind of thing that would make a wind breaker undesirable pretty quickly but my Grandparents got style so they pulled off the look pretty well.
I went to the hospice to visit my Dad real quick and my Mom took the relatives to get a bite to eat before heading down.
I just got off the phone with my Mom and Dad. My Mom wanted me to remind everyone local or who will be local as of tomorrow that a lot of family will be going down to see my Dad tomorrow and everyone is invited. My Aunt Susan (who has been a tremendous help and combined with my Uncle Herman they make a great set of shoulders to cry on) will be bringing Spaghetti (hope I spelleed that write.) :) I believe others are bringing dishes too and we will visit and watch basketball and just chill so...well that's cool.
I will update with pictures and stuff tomorrow so those outside of the "hot zone" can feel the fun too.
Thanks for all your words of encouragement and support. I feel blessed to be part of such a large and loving network.
-Lemorris A
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Hospice Visit Part 2
Well I went back after work and got to sit there with my Dad for a couple hours. They are pumping a lot of tummy gunk out of him but overall he is definitely more comfortable. He had a couple popsicles and drank more water so that was good to see.
I told him that the family was reading and I asked if he had any messages. He said "Tell them that I love them all and ask them to pray for me." I assured him that his pray force was one to envy. He said that Thursday would be a good day for folks to visit. I'm sure he may tire but he would like to see as many people as he can. If you're local and need directions just email me at dryheatpanzer@gmail.com .
We watched some weird CSI type show and chatted a bit. I told him about my plans to redo my car for him. It'll be like his Nova except it's a VW and that makes it a little cooler in my opinion but I did allow him to believe he was in fact more cool. He liked my painted caliper idea and grey interior and that was something I'm glad we discussed.
Our time may be short so I encourage you to say what you have to say or email me whatever and I will get it to him. He is very aware of his situation and I know he is scared but he is very brave. When I left he reached out and squeezed my hand. I looked at him and just kinda stared for a few seconds. He looked at me then his soft gaze turned to a crusty kinda look and he said "WHAT?!....Help me sit up!" :) ...I knew what he meant though.........so I helped him sit up and I left.
More tomorrow
-Lemorris A
I told him that the family was reading and I asked if he had any messages. He said "Tell them that I love them all and ask them to pray for me." I assured him that his pray force was one to envy. He said that Thursday would be a good day for folks to visit. I'm sure he may tire but he would like to see as many people as he can. If you're local and need directions just email me at dryheatpanzer@gmail.com .
We watched some weird CSI type show and chatted a bit. I told him about my plans to redo my car for him. It'll be like his Nova except it's a VW and that makes it a little cooler in my opinion but I did allow him to believe he was in fact more cool. He liked my painted caliper idea and grey interior and that was something I'm glad we discussed.
Our time may be short so I encourage you to say what you have to say or email me whatever and I will get it to him. He is very aware of his situation and I know he is scared but he is very brave. When I left he reached out and squeezed my hand. I looked at him and just kinda stared for a few seconds. He looked at me then his soft gaze turned to a crusty kinda look and he said "WHAT?!....Help me sit up!" :) ...I knew what he meant though.........so I helped him sit up and I left.
More tomorrow
-Lemorris A
Hospice Visit Part 1
I went down to visit my Dad at lunch today.
The facility is very nice and the people were really kind. He has his own room and it is much more comfortable than the hospital. I noticed little things like wooden floors and different art in each room (all hung at the same level). My Dad was watching some court TV and sipping some water. He is very thin but he looks better.
They have an IV for fluids hooked up to him and there is a tube from his nose to his stomach that is pumping out all the tummy gunk. The head nurse (forgot her actual title...sorry) was very kind. She told my Dad he had pretty eyes which he hears all the time but he did sorta smile. She told me that they put a longer pumping tube down him and they were able to pump out 3000 cc's of nasty tummy gunk. That's actually a lot of gunk and part of me growled at the hospital for not knowing why his stomach was distended but I let it go as just seeing him more comfortable was of comfort to me. He drank a healthy amount of water which was nice to see.
My sisters Tanisha and Candy showed up and it was nice to have all of us together with our Dad. My sisters are both doing well and I'm vey proud of how they are both handling the situation. As an immediate family we have always ben able to speak openly about stuff and me and my sisters were able to share a few tears and some fond memories in the Family Room. Though my dad is preparing to leave us, it was pretty apparent that he isn't actually leaving. He remains in us and around us and that thought was comforting as well.
Tomorrow my Grandparents and an Aunt arrive I believe and I'm really looking forward to seeing them. I know my dad is looking forward to getting a chance to see them as well. It's a tough time but he continues to be strong and even "parent".
I don't know if you can all see them but some people have left comments on these blogs and it's great. I was touched by Alissa, Tanisha and Jessico and I encourage you all to leave a note or write your thoughts as I print them all and read them to my Dad.
It's 3:11 pm here and I get off in acouple of hours. I will run home and change and go back down there to see my Dad. I will post again tonight on the happenings.
That's it for now
thanx
Lemorris A
The facility is very nice and the people were really kind. He has his own room and it is much more comfortable than the hospital. I noticed little things like wooden floors and different art in each room (all hung at the same level). My Dad was watching some court TV and sipping some water. He is very thin but he looks better.
They have an IV for fluids hooked up to him and there is a tube from his nose to his stomach that is pumping out all the tummy gunk. The head nurse (forgot her actual title...sorry) was very kind. She told my Dad he had pretty eyes which he hears all the time but he did sorta smile. She told me that they put a longer pumping tube down him and they were able to pump out 3000 cc's of nasty tummy gunk. That's actually a lot of gunk and part of me growled at the hospital for not knowing why his stomach was distended but I let it go as just seeing him more comfortable was of comfort to me. He drank a healthy amount of water which was nice to see.
My sisters Tanisha and Candy showed up and it was nice to have all of us together with our Dad. My sisters are both doing well and I'm vey proud of how they are both handling the situation. As an immediate family we have always ben able to speak openly about stuff and me and my sisters were able to share a few tears and some fond memories in the Family Room. Though my dad is preparing to leave us, it was pretty apparent that he isn't actually leaving. He remains in us and around us and that thought was comforting as well.
Tomorrow my Grandparents and an Aunt arrive I believe and I'm really looking forward to seeing them. I know my dad is looking forward to getting a chance to see them as well. It's a tough time but he continues to be strong and even "parent".
I don't know if you can all see them but some people have left comments on these blogs and it's great. I was touched by Alissa, Tanisha and Jessico and I encourage you all to leave a note or write your thoughts as I print them all and read them to my Dad.
It's 3:11 pm here and I get off in acouple of hours. I will run home and change and go back down there to see my Dad. I will post again tonight on the happenings.
That's it for now
thanx
Lemorris A
Monday, June 2, 2008
A change in direction
Today was a bittersweet day.
As many of you already know my Dad was moved to a Hospice home. I wanted him to get settled in before sending this out so please excuse the delay. The facilty is called Peppi's House and it's very nice. It's not very old and the people are very very kind. So..here's this morning's tale.
This morning at 7 am the doctors met with my Dad, my Mom and me. They discussed the last 10 months of my Dad's healthcare and basically said that since the feeding tube didn't work, we were out of options. The doctors said he was too weak for more surgery and the fact that he threw up all of the nutrients that were fed to him (bypassing his stomach) indicated there was more blockage and they were sure if they opened him up they would find his other untreated cancers had spread.
The reccommendation for hospice care was made and my Dad made it very clear that he wanted to go home. The hospice center he is at is where they hope to stabilize his vomitting and help prepare him. It is his desire to go home ultimately and like I said...he was very vocal about that.
I'm not gonna lie to you, it was sad again and there was a very definite sense of finality, at least in my opinion so there was some pain involved. I thought about my Dad and what he means to me and how I want him to know that he matters. I also thought about the day before. You know, it's kind of funny...if you keep thinking about the day before at some point you get back to a happier time and those are the memories that I personally will rely on to help me through the memories that the present day will leave. I would encourage many of you to do the same. There's good times there...real good times.
Actually day before yesterday a good memory was made. My son Charles and I went down to the hospital to spend the early afternoon with my Dad. I brought the Humphrey Bogart movie "Treasure of the Sierra Madres" with me and the 3 of us sat there and watched it. Ok...it was a little skippy because apparently I have peanutbutter in my pockets but after a good cleaning it played fine.
It was my son's first time seeing it, but I have seen it 100 times. Why? It's one of my Dad's favorite films of all time. He had me sit down and watch it with him when I was a kid....and a teen...and a young adult...and a not so young adult etc....) I had the captions on so Charles could read as well because the hospital speaker thing was cra.......um...not good. At one point my Dad started to get sick. His vomitting can be bad and the alarmed look on my son's face caused me to grimace. As my Dad went through the motions I felt a bit helpless and wanted to do something for him. I reached over to help somehow and my Dad suddenly stopped and looked at Charles with a semi-"blank" eating grin and turned the bucket over. It was empty. We chuckled. :) As we were set to leave I told my son to say goodbye to his Grandpa. Charles walked over and put his hand on my Dad's knee and said "See ya." My Dad looked at Charles then he looked at me and he smiled. That's a memory I'll keep.
I will be visiting my Dad tomorrow at lunch and will write afterwards. This week will be busy with family coming in from out of town but I will keep up on the communication. I appreciate the help but would ask respectfully that I be allowed to do this. I won't leave anyone hanging and if there's something you need to say please just email me at dryheatpanzer@gmail.com I appreciate all the support on my Dad's behalf and I will see to it that everything is communcated to everyone.
-Lemorris A
As many of you already know my Dad was moved to a Hospice home. I wanted him to get settled in before sending this out so please excuse the delay. The facilty is called Peppi's House and it's very nice. It's not very old and the people are very very kind. So..here's this morning's tale.
This morning at 7 am the doctors met with my Dad, my Mom and me. They discussed the last 10 months of my Dad's healthcare and basically said that since the feeding tube didn't work, we were out of options. The doctors said he was too weak for more surgery and the fact that he threw up all of the nutrients that were fed to him (bypassing his stomach) indicated there was more blockage and they were sure if they opened him up they would find his other untreated cancers had spread.
The reccommendation for hospice care was made and my Dad made it very clear that he wanted to go home. The hospice center he is at is where they hope to stabilize his vomitting and help prepare him. It is his desire to go home ultimately and like I said...he was very vocal about that.
I'm not gonna lie to you, it was sad again and there was a very definite sense of finality, at least in my opinion so there was some pain involved. I thought about my Dad and what he means to me and how I want him to know that he matters. I also thought about the day before. You know, it's kind of funny...if you keep thinking about the day before at some point you get back to a happier time and those are the memories that I personally will rely on to help me through the memories that the present day will leave. I would encourage many of you to do the same. There's good times there...real good times.
Actually day before yesterday a good memory was made. My son Charles and I went down to the hospital to spend the early afternoon with my Dad. I brought the Humphrey Bogart movie "Treasure of the Sierra Madres" with me and the 3 of us sat there and watched it. Ok...it was a little skippy because apparently I have peanutbutter in my pockets but after a good cleaning it played fine.
It was my son's first time seeing it, but I have seen it 100 times. Why? It's one of my Dad's favorite films of all time. He had me sit down and watch it with him when I was a kid....and a teen...and a young adult...and a not so young adult etc....) I had the captions on so Charles could read as well because the hospital speaker thing was cra.......um...not good. At one point my Dad started to get sick. His vomitting can be bad and the alarmed look on my son's face caused me to grimace. As my Dad went through the motions I felt a bit helpless and wanted to do something for him. I reached over to help somehow and my Dad suddenly stopped and looked at Charles with a semi-"blank" eating grin and turned the bucket over. It was empty. We chuckled. :) As we were set to leave I told my son to say goodbye to his Grandpa. Charles walked over and put his hand on my Dad's knee and said "See ya." My Dad looked at Charles then he looked at me and he smiled. That's a memory I'll keep.
I will be visiting my Dad tomorrow at lunch and will write afterwards. This week will be busy with family coming in from out of town but I will keep up on the communication. I appreciate the help but would ask respectfully that I be allowed to do this. I won't leave anyone hanging and if there's something you need to say please just email me at dryheatpanzer@gmail.com I appreciate all the support on my Dad's behalf and I will see to it that everything is communcated to everyone.
-Lemorris A
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The softer side
Well it's been a week or so since I visited this page and much has taken place. Thank you to everyone for all the love and support. It's a really tough time, but having so many family and friends really does help a great deal.
The update:
My Dad has been up and down. We had some time to chat a little last week and things were pretty ok. He's pretty sick but he hasn't lost his sense of humor which is nice. On Monday he was a little sicker but perked up a bit on Tuesday.
He's eating some soft stuff as the doctors believed he had an obstruction that may be causing him to vomit more but he hasn't held much down for more than overnight. While this is sad he hasn't complained and shows great courage in the face of...well in the face of what he's facing.
I went down last week and took my clippers so I could cut his hair. I pretty much cut one style and that's "none" so he sat up a bit in the bed and the nurse gave me an extra sheet and I cut his hair down. Between the two of us we were able to figure out how to use the electric razor so he got a shave too. He looked a lot better and he seemed to feel better too.
Two days later I was heading down and my Mom asked me to bring the clippers again. I knew I missed a small spot but I didn't think she would catch it. Turns out I was right. The guy in the bed on the other side of the curtain in my Dad's room heard me cutting my Dad's hair so he went in and took a razor to his head. He did pretty good until he realized he couldn't do the top, top of the sides or the back so he kinda looked like a Mongolian dude in the karate flicks. I got there and cut his hair for him. His name is Ramon and he's pretty cool. He has Lupus but he's got a good attitude.
My Mom is holding up as well as can be expected. She could use some rest as we all could but overall she is doing pretty good. The love she shows is like nothing I've ever seen. I can only hope to care for someone like she does. She's pretty awesome.
How is my Dad?...I mean...if you wonderin how is his mental state and stuff like that, well....
I was visiting and he was pretty sick and I was feelin a little uneasy on the inside and like any kid I kinda wanted to be closer to my Dad. So we're talking and I guess I put my hand on his shoulder one too many times. He gave me a semi-glare and got all gruffy voiced and said "How many times you gonna touch me?" :)
I thought about his question for a few seconds then I said.... "As many as I can."
I'll write more sooner next time.
-Lemorris A
The update:
My Dad has been up and down. We had some time to chat a little last week and things were pretty ok. He's pretty sick but he hasn't lost his sense of humor which is nice. On Monday he was a little sicker but perked up a bit on Tuesday.
He's eating some soft stuff as the doctors believed he had an obstruction that may be causing him to vomit more but he hasn't held much down for more than overnight. While this is sad he hasn't complained and shows great courage in the face of...well in the face of what he's facing.
I went down last week and took my clippers so I could cut his hair. I pretty much cut one style and that's "none" so he sat up a bit in the bed and the nurse gave me an extra sheet and I cut his hair down. Between the two of us we were able to figure out how to use the electric razor so he got a shave too. He looked a lot better and he seemed to feel better too.
Two days later I was heading down and my Mom asked me to bring the clippers again. I knew I missed a small spot but I didn't think she would catch it. Turns out I was right. The guy in the bed on the other side of the curtain in my Dad's room heard me cutting my Dad's hair so he went in and took a razor to his head. He did pretty good until he realized he couldn't do the top, top of the sides or the back so he kinda looked like a Mongolian dude in the karate flicks. I got there and cut his hair for him. His name is Ramon and he's pretty cool. He has Lupus but he's got a good attitude.
My Mom is holding up as well as can be expected. She could use some rest as we all could but overall she is doing pretty good. The love she shows is like nothing I've ever seen. I can only hope to care for someone like she does. She's pretty awesome.
How is my Dad?...I mean...if you wonderin how is his mental state and stuff like that, well....
I was visiting and he was pretty sick and I was feelin a little uneasy on the inside and like any kid I kinda wanted to be closer to my Dad. So we're talking and I guess I put my hand on his shoulder one too many times. He gave me a semi-glare and got all gruffy voiced and said "How many times you gonna touch me?" :)
I thought about his question for a few seconds then I said.... "As many as I can."
I'll write more sooner next time.
-Lemorris A
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A sad beginning
Well...here is what will be the family blog and I'm sorry to have to start it with such a sad post.
This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to write.
Yesterday, Sunday May 18th my Mom and I met with my Dad's doctor to discuss his treatment. The doctor told us that my father is indeed very ill and at this point he will not recover. The tumor in his stomach has grown and that's why he was having trouble holding down food. My father was present for this talk and he is aware of the situation. The doctor told us that the cancer surgeons are not going to operate on my father's stomach cancer anymore as it is way too advanced so there is nothing they can do.
The doctor presented us with options for my Dad's care. We were told that the reason the hospital hadn't fed him in 3 days was because of the vomitting. They were concerned that he would vomit and it would go down his wind pipe which would be the end. The doctor informed us that they could feed Dad but there was a risk involved. After some discussion my Mom and Dad decided to go with getting some food as that was his only true nutritional option and the only choice that wouldn't amount to "life support" which my father refused again. The hospital will only give him food when my Mom is present which is good because she will be on-hand if there is an issue.
The other choice involved getting an IV line with nutrients force fed to his body but the doctor told us that the cancer is going to win and at some point Dad would slip into a coma and the machines would be keeping him alive. This is not something he wants at all and though it's hard to even think about, we agreed it was for the best to not go that route.
After our group talk I walked out with the doctor and asked him basically how much time we had. He said if everything goes as good as it can he'd guess 4 to 6 weeks. Now...he did say estimating is difficult and everyone is an individual so it's not like I would hold him to that and frankly I hope he's wrong by 50 years but that is what I was told.
I'm sorry for the hurt everyone is feeling at this time and I apologize for being so direct but I've struggled with starting this for 3 or 4 days now and I owe it to all of you to be straight.
On our end?
Well...we're hurting. My Mom is an amazing woman who even in the face of whatever sadness or badness or whatever you wanna call it she maintains her faith and optimism. My faith is shored up through her strength, so much love to her. Us kids are doin ok...it's hard. I was driving home to write this and somethin flew in my eye (happens a lot) and when I went to wipe my eye, tears rolled out again. It's hard to look cool when you're a blubbering idiot but I think I did pretty good at it. :)
On another note we out here are aware of the medical challenges My Dad's Mom in Milwaukee is facing. We send all of our love and prayers to her as well. We know you Milwaukee folks are hurting on both sides of this too and we want you to know that we love you all and we'll do whatever we can to support you guys and Grandma.
It's really difficult to be essentially watching those you love go through turbulent times but we are a family of faith and our faith tells us that this is not a sad ending but it is in fact a new begininning so my post title is inaccurate. Those that have gone before us are in a much better place, one that I personally hope to see some day. I find comfort in the fact that I know our God is not a God of "acts of service" but a God of mercy and love. None of us understand the scope of God's mercy and knowing that places my heart and my soul in a better place.
One of the most caring relatives I have recently told me something I wanted to mention before I close. She said "Anger is often a cover for fear." I believe this 100% and I would encourage all of us to keep that in mind as we go forward through this difficult time. I ain't gonna lie, I have been angry and cranky for seemingly no reason so I owe apologies to those I may have offended and my clutch which I sorta hollered at a little this morning. In light of the hurt and fear we are all feeling please try to recognize when you are slipping into that mode and try to adjust if you can.
In my opinion my Dad's life is about so much more than the moments we face now and it's because of him that I decided to finally jump this thing off. My father is a strong man. I see him facing his end with pride and strength. I will be sure to send him your love...as a matter of fact if this blog doesn't allow comments you can email me your comments at:
dryheatpanzer@gmail.com
I'm able to check it from anywhere so I can print them out and read them to him.
That's all I got for now. Once again, I apologize for not getting this out sooner. I will update as frequently as I can.
Much love to all of you.
-Lemorris A
This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to write.
Yesterday, Sunday May 18th my Mom and I met with my Dad's doctor to discuss his treatment. The doctor told us that my father is indeed very ill and at this point he will not recover. The tumor in his stomach has grown and that's why he was having trouble holding down food. My father was present for this talk and he is aware of the situation. The doctor told us that the cancer surgeons are not going to operate on my father's stomach cancer anymore as it is way too advanced so there is nothing they can do.
The doctor presented us with options for my Dad's care. We were told that the reason the hospital hadn't fed him in 3 days was because of the vomitting. They were concerned that he would vomit and it would go down his wind pipe which would be the end. The doctor informed us that they could feed Dad but there was a risk involved. After some discussion my Mom and Dad decided to go with getting some food as that was his only true nutritional option and the only choice that wouldn't amount to "life support" which my father refused again. The hospital will only give him food when my Mom is present which is good because she will be on-hand if there is an issue.
The other choice involved getting an IV line with nutrients force fed to his body but the doctor told us that the cancer is going to win and at some point Dad would slip into a coma and the machines would be keeping him alive. This is not something he wants at all and though it's hard to even think about, we agreed it was for the best to not go that route.
After our group talk I walked out with the doctor and asked him basically how much time we had. He said if everything goes as good as it can he'd guess 4 to 6 weeks. Now...he did say estimating is difficult and everyone is an individual so it's not like I would hold him to that and frankly I hope he's wrong by 50 years but that is what I was told.
I'm sorry for the hurt everyone is feeling at this time and I apologize for being so direct but I've struggled with starting this for 3 or 4 days now and I owe it to all of you to be straight.
On our end?
Well...we're hurting. My Mom is an amazing woman who even in the face of whatever sadness or badness or whatever you wanna call it she maintains her faith and optimism. My faith is shored up through her strength, so much love to her. Us kids are doin ok...it's hard. I was driving home to write this and somethin flew in my eye (happens a lot) and when I went to wipe my eye, tears rolled out again. It's hard to look cool when you're a blubbering idiot but I think I did pretty good at it. :)
On another note we out here are aware of the medical challenges My Dad's Mom in Milwaukee is facing. We send all of our love and prayers to her as well. We know you Milwaukee folks are hurting on both sides of this too and we want you to know that we love you all and we'll do whatever we can to support you guys and Grandma.
It's really difficult to be essentially watching those you love go through turbulent times but we are a family of faith and our faith tells us that this is not a sad ending but it is in fact a new begininning so my post title is inaccurate. Those that have gone before us are in a much better place, one that I personally hope to see some day. I find comfort in the fact that I know our God is not a God of "acts of service" but a God of mercy and love. None of us understand the scope of God's mercy and knowing that places my heart and my soul in a better place.
One of the most caring relatives I have recently told me something I wanted to mention before I close. She said "Anger is often a cover for fear." I believe this 100% and I would encourage all of us to keep that in mind as we go forward through this difficult time. I ain't gonna lie, I have been angry and cranky for seemingly no reason so I owe apologies to those I may have offended and my clutch which I sorta hollered at a little this morning. In light of the hurt and fear we are all feeling please try to recognize when you are slipping into that mode and try to adjust if you can.
In my opinion my Dad's life is about so much more than the moments we face now and it's because of him that I decided to finally jump this thing off. My father is a strong man. I see him facing his end with pride and strength. I will be sure to send him your love...as a matter of fact if this blog doesn't allow comments you can email me your comments at:
dryheatpanzer@gmail.com
I'm able to check it from anywhere so I can print them out and read them to him.
That's all I got for now. Once again, I apologize for not getting this out sooner. I will update as frequently as I can.
Much love to all of you.
-Lemorris A
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