A sad beginning

Well...here is what will be the family blog and I'm sorry to have to start it with such a sad post.

This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to write.

Yesterday, Sunday May 18th my Mom and I met with my Dad's doctor to discuss his treatment. The doctor told us that my father is indeed very ill and at this point he will not recover. The tumor in his stomach has grown and that's why he was having trouble holding down food. My father was present for this talk and he is aware of the situation. The doctor told us that the cancer surgeons are not going to operate on my father's stomach cancer anymore as it is way too advanced so there is nothing they can do.

The doctor presented us with options for my Dad's care. We were told that the reason the hospital hadn't fed him in 3 days was because of the vomitting. They were concerned that he would vomit and it would go down his wind pipe which would be the end. The doctor informed us that they could feed Dad but there was a risk involved. After some discussion my Mom and Dad decided to go with getting some food as that was his only true nutritional option and the only choice that wouldn't amount to "life support" which my father refused again. The hospital will only give him food when my Mom is present which is good because she will be on-hand if there is an issue.

The other choice involved getting an IV line with nutrients force fed to his body but the doctor told us that the cancer is going to win and at some point Dad would slip into a coma and the machines would be keeping him alive. This is not something he wants at all and though it's hard to even think about, we agreed it was for the best to not go that route.

After our group talk I walked out with the doctor and asked him basically how much time we had. He said if everything goes as good as it can he'd guess 4 to 6 weeks. Now...he did say estimating is difficult and everyone is an individual so it's not like I would hold him to that and frankly I hope he's wrong by 50 years but that is what I was told.

I'm sorry for the hurt everyone is feeling at this time and I apologize for being so direct but I've struggled with starting this for 3 or 4 days now and I owe it to all of you to be straight.

On our end?

Well...we're hurting. My Mom is an amazing woman who even in the face of whatever sadness or badness or whatever you wanna call it she maintains her faith and optimism. My faith is shored up through her strength, so much love to her. Us kids are doin ok...it's hard. I was driving home to write this and somethin flew in my eye (happens a lot) and when I went to wipe my eye, tears rolled out again. It's hard to look cool when you're a blubbering idiot but I think I did pretty good at it. :)

On another note we out here are aware of the medical challenges My Dad's Mom in Milwaukee is facing. We send all of our love and prayers to her as well. We know you Milwaukee folks are hurting on both sides of this too and we want you to know that we love you all and we'll do whatever we can to support you guys and Grandma.

It's really difficult to be essentially watching those you love go through turbulent times but we are a family of faith and our faith tells us that this is not a sad ending but it is in fact a new begininning so my post title is inaccurate. Those that have gone before us are in a much better place, one that I personally hope to see some day. I find comfort in the fact that I know our God is not a God of "acts of service" but a God of mercy and love. None of us understand the scope of God's mercy and knowing that places my heart and my soul in a better place.

One of the most caring relatives I have recently told me something I wanted to mention before I close. She said "Anger is often a cover for fear." I believe this 100% and I would encourage all of us to keep that in mind as we go forward through this difficult time. I ain't gonna lie, I have been angry and cranky for seemingly no reason so I owe apologies to those I may have offended and my clutch which I sorta hollered at a little this morning. In light of the hurt and fear we are all feeling please try to recognize when you are slipping into that mode and try to adjust if you can.

In my opinion my Dad's life is about so much more than the moments we face now and it's because of him that I decided to finally jump this thing off. My father is a strong man. I see him facing his end with pride and strength. I will be sure to send him your love...as a matter of fact if this blog doesn't allow comments you can email me your comments at:

dryheatpanzer@gmail.com

I'm able to check it from anywhere so I can print them out and read them to him.

That's all I got for now. Once again, I apologize for not getting this out sooner. I will update as frequently as I can.

Much love to all of you.

-Lemorris A